cheating husband.......

Adrian888

A2OC Donor
A Cheating husband decided to write this letter to his wife.

My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old can no longer satisfy.

I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife, however, after reading this letter I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset, I shall be back before midnight".

When the man came home late that night he found a reply to his letter on the dining room table:

*My Dear Husband,*
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college.

I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, he is 18
years old.

You being a successful businessman with an excellent
knowledge of math you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference;

*18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18..*

Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow."

THE HUSBAND FAINTED
 
Recently voted the Worlds Funniest Joke (as described on The Infinite Monkey Cage)

Two men are out hunting on safari when one of them collapses, seemingly in a some distress, and then stops moving completely.
The second calls the emergency services, and has the following conversation
Hunter: "Hello, my friend has collapsed and has now completely stopped moving"
Emergency: "Okay sir, well first of all we need to ascertain whether he is dead ..."
(Gunshot is heard)
Hunter: "Okay, he's definitely dead - what now?"
 
Driver of a crashed vehicle.

AN AVID GOLFER WAS INVOLVED IN A TERRIBLE CAR CRASH AND WAS
RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL. JUST BEFORE HE WAS PUT UNDER, THE SURGEON
POPPED IN TO SEE HIM. "I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS AND SOME BAD NEWS," SAYS THE
SURGEON. "THE BAD NEWS I THAT I HAVE TO REMOVE YOUR RIGHT ARM!"

"OH GOD NO!" CRIES THE MAN. "MY
GOLFING IS OVER! PLEASE DOC, WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS?"

"THE GOOD NEWS IS I HAVE ANOTHER ONE TO REPLACE IT WITH, BUT IT'S A
WOMAN'S ARM AND I'LL NEED YOUR PERMISSION BEFORE I CAN GO AHEAD WITH
THE TRANSPLANT."

"GO FOR IT DOC," SAYS THE MAN, "AS LONG AS I CAN PLAY GOLF AGAIN."

THE OPERATION WENT WELL AND A YEAR LATER THE MAN WAS OUT ON THE GOLF
COURSE WHEN HE BUMPED INTO THE SURGEON.

"HI, HOW'S THE NEW ARM?" ASKS THE SURGEON.

"JUST GREAT," SAYS THE GOLFER. "I'M PLAYING THE BEST GOLF OF MY LIFE.
MY NEW ARM HAS A MUCH FINER TOUCH, AND MY PUTTING HAS
REALLY IMPROVED."

"THAT'S GREAT," SAID THE SURGEON.

"NOT ONLY THAT," CONTINUED THE GOLFER, "MY HANDWRITING HAS
IMPROVED, I'VE LEARNED HOW TO SEW MY OWN CLOTHES AND
I'VE EVEN TAKEN UP PAINTING LANDSCAPES IN WATERCOLORS."

"THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE!" SAID THE SURGEON, "I'M SO GLAD
TO HEAR THE TRANSPLANT WAS SUCH A GREAT SUCCESS.

ARE YOU HAVING ANY SIDE EFFECTS?"

"WELL, JUST TWO --- SAID THE GOLFER, "I HAVE TROUBLE
PARALLEL PARKING. AND EVERY TIME I GET AN ERECTION
I ALSO GET A HEADACHE.”
 
I thought that I would try and lower the quality, down to my usual standard, but this one is my favourite at the moment.

It is a similar subject, but this time about a Drunken Husband.


The wife is fed up of the husband spending all night in the pub and coming home drunk.

So she suggests that they have a nice meal at home for a change.


"How about Escargo? We could try that. Would you pop down to the shops and buy a bag of snails"

Ok he says and off he goes. He gets the bag of snails and on his way home sees the pub and thinks "just a quick one"

Three hours later he sets off for home totally drunk.

As he gets to the door he makes a right racket trying to get the key in the door and in trying he drops the bag of snails just before his wife opens the door and says "Where the heck have you been"

Thinking quickly, he responds (gesturing to the snails)

"Come on boys, speed up will you, you are all making me really late!!!"

Steve B
 
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